Wedding Customs Inside Saudi
By MD Kavanwal Traditionally, Saudi wedding customs are simple and swift. Since there is no dating in Saudi, Islamic marriage is prearranged. Sometimes the mother of the bride knows of a man she thinks would be a good match for her daughter, and sometimes men and women are paired by matchmakers. Often a man seeks alliances with other Saudi tribes to improve his station in life, and therefore will marry a woman for the sake of that alliance. Every woman needs to marry for her safety and welfare. Without a husband, her fathers, brothers and uncles are responsible for her. They must clothe her, house her and protect her. Caring for a woman becomes burdensome, and traditionally, women are married as soon as possible. Since international influence and the introduction of wealth into the Kingdom via oil sales, traditional wedding customs are not as swift as they were in the past. It used to be, Man meets woman, woman likes man, both agree to marry. In the last couple of decades, Western influence has crept in, and more elaborate ceremonies are planned. As in Western countries, Saudi girls dream of their ‘big day’, and the Islamic marriage ceremonies are becoming more elaborate and expensive. Growing up in Saudi Arabia, a young girl may look forward to the day when she comes of age and can wear the abaya and cover her hair. She will naturally be very devout, and due to wedding customs and Islamic marriage practices, she may be expected to marry a first cousin.
The traditional wedding customs are still within the context of what an Islamic marriage should be, but the swiftness of the arranged marriages is now dragged out, and the costs for these arranged marriages have soared for both the bride’s family and groom’s family. Traditional wedding customs include an engagement party, where the bride is introduced to her intended groom. She is preened to look as lovely as possible, her skin painted white, her eyes have painted black circles—a Saudi sign of beauty; her hair piled high on her head, resembling a camels’ hump, and she is perfectly manicured and then sat at a table, as if on display. Her parents and the groom’s parents sit down for dinner, and the intended bride is introduced to her intended groom. If she is lucky, the bride is allowed to decide during the course of the meal if she will marry this intended groom. If she agrees, then the male members of the bride’s family and the groom’s family meet to discuss the terms of the marriage contract, what to do in the case of divorce and the amount of the dowry. Sometimes a matawa or sheik is present during these negotiations, but not always. Once all aspects of the contract are agreed upon, the bride and groom are married. Sometimes brides to be are denied the choice of marrying their intended husbands, and are directed to marry a man by the male members of her household who preside over them. Marriages are not unions based on love and affection, as they are in Western society, but for tribal alliances, increase in wealth or power and to align and sustain relationships within the religious community. A Saudi man may marry a woman outside of Saudi Arabia, and does not need permission from the royal family to marry another Arab female, no matter what country she comes from. There may be negations with the ruling royal family to determine tribal allegiances, for the sake of wealth distribution. (Wealth distribution and tribal alliances and other relationships are detailed in the novel,
Surreal in Saudi.) Wedding customs normally prohibit Saudi females to marry outside of Saudi Arabia, and parents prefer their daughters to marry Saudi Arabian men, rather than wed an Arab from another region of the Gulf. The traditional wedding customs include the engagement party, as described above, and a settlement of the dowry. A dowry in Islamic arranged marriages is known as a mahr. The dowry, or mahr,is paid for by the groom, not the bride. A man must pay this sum to show his good intent. In times past, the dowry was often paid for with sheep, goats and camels, but nowadays, the dowry is most often paid in Saudi Riyals, the currency of the country. The average amount of money a groom pays for his bride today is about $20,000 Riyals, which equals approximately $5500.00 US dollars. If the woman is from a more influential family, the amount of the dowry is significantly more.
Modern wedding customs in Islamic marriage between Saudi men and non-Saudi women now involve registry in the court system. A contract is negotiated between the prospective husband and wife prior to marriage. These negotiations are conducted between the male members of the bride’s family on her behalf, and agreed to by the bride-to-be, are the legal basis for the marriage under Sharia Law. The bride and groom and their witnesses sign the contract in front of a Sharia Court official, and once the document is signed, it is the start of the marriage. The contract can include prenuptial agreements concerning the custody and place of residence of children and the wife's ability to depart Saudi Arabia if the marriage should be terminated by death of the husband or divorce. Even though the man and woman are officially married, many couples opt not to begin living as a married couple until they incorporate more ceremonious events into their wedding customs. This of course, is more expensive, for now, there is an elaborate engagement party after the bride agrees to marry, followed by henna parties, and parties for the groom, and one party for the bride. The signing of the contract is delayed until after the henna party. Henna parties are for the women only, and are a couple of days before the wedding. Wedding customs include sugaring, which is the removal of all body hair from the eyebrows down. When I was in Saudi Arabia, I met several women who are specialists in the art of sugaring, and often these same women conduct female circumcisions. These women are hired to perform the sugaring ceremony, often a very painful procedure. The young bride is stripped naked, held down by other women, and her hair is removed by rolling a ball of boiled sugar over her skin. Hair clings to the sugar ball, and it is extracted by its roots. After the initial hair removal, women continue to have sugar treatments to keep body hair from growing, and the procedure is less painful the more times it is performed. (Often the Saudi groom will inspect his bride, and if she has any hair, other than on her head or eyebrows, he has the right to divorce her on the spot. In rare occasions, and according to ancient wedding customs, a groom who discovers hair on his new bride, has the right to kill her for “displeasing and dishonoring” him.) After the hair removal, the bride may be painted with henna dye. Her fingers, toes are dipped and the bottoms of her feet may be painted with the reddish dye, and sometimes her hair and lips colored. It isn’t often intricate designs are painted on her; that is an Indian tradition, but such wedding customs have been adopted by a few, mostly from the port cities in Saudi Arabia. There isn’t any wedding ceremony per se, but the men have one to several parties before the groom takes his new bride. In the wedding customs of modern day Saudis, a woman will wear a very fancy white wedding gown, complete with veil. Her bridesmaids are dressed in red, signifying youth, virginity and pureness and the party starts late at night, well into the wee hours of the morning. Invited guests are all women, and the women dress up, dance with one another and celebrate the marriage. The groom presents the bride with a gift—the gift is to equal the amount of the mahr, and is usually a piece of jewelry. (This gift does not include the price of the wedding ring.) Wedding customs include the bride and groom going to the “wedding tent”, better known in Western societies as a honeymoon, then, if the groom can’t afford his own apartment, taking residence in the home of the groom’s parents. This usually means the bride goes into a house with several of the groom’s siblings and the wives of his father and their families. (Men and women are still segregated as much as possible, even in apartments and homes. There are family sections, and men only sections.) GENERAL EXPENSES FOR WEDDING CUSTOMS: MAHR- 20,000 SR per woman on average ($5500.oo US) Some recent wedding customs try to cut wedding costs by having fewer parties. One of the latest fashion craze of the Saudi brides is to rent a jazzy and elegant gown, rather than buying it. Many of the shops have opened up rental services and are cashing in on the sudden boom. Sahria Law permits a man to have up to four wives, but with the cost of modern day wedding customs, Islamic marriages are decreasing the number of wives a man marries. Many younger Saudi Arabs are opting to have but one wife because of the costs of getting married. There are several families who dispel the modern wedding customs, and continue to marry simply, thus avoiding unnecessary costs.
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